Friday, September 16, 2011

Overview of Important Stuff

Weapons, Sports Gear, Gardening Tools, and what they mean to you.
          There are a few pieces of must-have tech necessary to survive a storm of flesh hungry corpses.  These items can be found anywhere from your local Lowe's to your softball-playing little sister.  And I figure that it would be simplest to divide these pieces of precise, technical equipment into two unique load-outs:

#1 The Chef:   
          The gear here is sharp, quick, and has the Kentucky-Fried guarantee to disembowel anything that limps within a 6 foot radius or your person.   There’s no technique here beyond knowing which end is pointy, and how hard you want to swing.  Simple, deadly, and incredibly low maintenance, the tools here create an image of carnage and awesomeness singing a duet at your local nightclub. 

#2 The Showman (or the “Michael Bay”):  
          Top of the line tech that blurs the line between performance and pleasure, the equipment here is designed for one thing, and one thing only:  to create the biggest spectacle on the face of the earth, regardless of effectiveness, cost, or personal safety.  If you want to have the most fun you have ever had in your life, with the intense possibility of dying young, then the Showman is made for you…and the enjoyment of everyone who’s ever known you.

          From now on, all weapons discussed will fall into one of these two categories, learn them, live them, love them.

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